In my last blog, I pondered being desensitized to violence
in movies and television. And, I seriously thought that I may not watch such horrific shows in the future, especially
zombie flicks. Screw that!
If we are going to have a zombie apocalypse, I am going to
be ready!!!!
So my first order of business was to gather information on
being ready for a zombie apocalypse!
Even though I have watched the movies and television shows, that just
isn't enough. So, I went to the
"Nerd Website" and took the quiz which rates your likelihood of
survival in a zombie attack. It was a
very cool quiz but I knew that I was in a bit of trouble. I don't like weapons, you see, with the
exception of my bull whip (don't ask and don't assume) which I do not feel
would kill any zombie at any time. But
OTHER than that tiny little problem, I felt pretty good about my quiz
answers. You see, I have friends and
family, that LOVE weapons and they will protect me, right? WRONG!
The quiz results said I was DEAD.
Not just dead but really, really and truly DEAD. Dead like the Wicked Witch of the West
dead. I would be positively, absolutely, unequivocally
DEAD.
Obviously I have work to do.
So, I Googled "how to survive a zombie apocalypse". Did you know that the CDC has an article on
just that subject? Really? I thought it was a joke, but unless I am
totally gullible, which is a possibility, the article is real. The problem with this article is that it
doesn't address weapons. So, I am back
to square one.
My first order of business should be to purchase
"The Zombie Survival Guide" by Max Brooks. On my next trip to Books A Million that will
be done. Then I have to READ it! I will not get the info I need through
osmosis. Secondly, I have to take a
weapons class. This is crucial to
survival. Being that I am a
perfectionist, I plan on being an excellent shot. I AM still a little hesitant about the whole
sharp implement thingy. But, I do
understand that noise attracts zombies so I must overcome this squeamishness
and get on with the business of using cold steel to impale a zombie. Man up, Anne!
Then, even though I haven't read the guide yet, I realize I
have to have proper clothing, tools, camping equipment, ample supplies and lots
of water. I also need a plan of hooking
up with other people in order to survive.
You know who you are so get ready, I will be coming! I also need a vehicle or mode of
transportation to escape.
Now here is where I differ, I believe, from the average
zombie survivalist. In every single
movie or T.V. show I have seen, the survivors are traveling in a car, SUV,
sometimes a tank or just plain walking.
Why? I have the ultimate
answer! AIRPLANE! On my list of to do's is flying lessons! It worked in the movie "2012", so
it will work for zombies. Why put
yourself in harm's way, IF you can totally avoid any confrontation, which gets
me out of using those sharp implements at close range, and just FLY OVER all of the zombies to a safe destination? Am I wrong? I don't think so.
So, I have to buy a plane, learn how to fly it, have it
handy, store fuel, gather supplies and
pack that sucker. Make sure I get animal
carriers for all of our pets... I was really worried about our pets... I don't
want to leave them behind and have them turn into zombie cats and dogs. Icky and just plain wrong! It would be very irresponsible of me
too. Anywhoo, get animal carriers and situate
them in the plane to ensure the pets' safety.
I already have a van so that will take everyone from point A to point B
where the plane is located for loading and take off. I also have to set plans to rendezvous with
our "group" who will also be in the plane on our way to safety! Walla! Isn't this a great idea!?!?!
Now in every "end of the world" movie, there is
always a "safe place". The
problem is finding out where it is. The
Himalayas seem popular but that is really far away. Sometimes it is Vermont..really? Vermont? Whatever.
Sometimes it is Colorado but I don't know about that. I like the idea of a remote island. That sounds nice but there are hurricanes and
only sea water. What if I run out of
water purification tablets? I would
really be in trouble. The desert is
totally out. I hate the heat. I have heard rumors that zombies cannot
survive cold temperatures. I
wonder. I have actually pondered this
unknown fact and that is a little scary to me.
Okay. Let's analyze. Zombies are dead. Zombies are constantly decomposing. Which brings me to another observation, if zombies are dead and decomposing and the
mean ones really look like survivors of Auschwitz then WHY in the world are
they so STRONG? I don't get that. I would be mean too if I was dead and
decomposing but strong? Where does the
strength come from exactly? Resilience I
can totally understand..zombies don't care, they don't have feelings, they just
keep coming and usually very, very slowly except for those running zombies
which are just frightening. So if we
deduce that zombies are resilient then I am going to assume that whether it is
cold or hot, zombies will survive until they totally decompose. And another question, how long would it take
for the zombies to totally decompose?
There has to be a time line, right?
This question I cannot answer. Alas,
the reason for the plane! And back to my thought on a safe haven.
The haven must have certain things like a fresh water
source, be of moderate temperature for the comfort of the group, have edible
plant life, perhaps little critters for a food source, although we could bring
chickens and a rooster....not a bad thought.
They would fit in the plane! Back
to the plan! I believe a higher
elevation with an excellent view of the surrounding area would be best as
well. I also have to be able to land the
plane and have access to this area. I
guess that means that I have to have a second vehicle waiting at the plane's
landing destination, all fueled up and ready to go to the final stopping point
at the safe haven. And this would have
to be an all terrain vehicle. I would
probably need two of these vehicles for all the stuff. hmmmmm...
this is getting expensive and complicated. Wow, I never realized how difficult a zombie
apocalypse would be! No wonder people in
the movies just WALK!
I think I will just stay where I am, barricade the place and
booby trap it against zombies, stockpile supplies and get busy on that weapons
training and learn to fight up close and personal if necessary! Watch out zombies! Annie's packing!
Wow! That means I can
still sleep in my King Size super soft bed!
Cool!
Until next time,
Anne
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