Even though my name isn't Lucy, what Ricky Ricardo memorably said to Lucy on the "I Love Lucy" show is completely true for me. I do have some explaining to do. I haven't written in my blog for a very long time. So, the condensed explanation is that my life for quite a while now has been like a roller coaster. I don't mean the "Puff the Magic Dragon" roller coaster in the kiddie section of the amusement park. I mean the gnarly, twisting, turning, head banging, 300 foot drop, puke your guts out, get ejected from the seat roller coaster in the grown up section of the amusement park. I'm estimating that I have been on that roller coaster for about ten years now and the "fun" continues. The difference is, after you ride that horrible roller coaster for a long time, you adjust. It is still frightening but not like the first ride on that beast. The longer version of my explanation is required because my blog is called "Tangents and Truths". So hold on, this is the story in chronological order from oldest to newest beginning in 2008. Here we go! Had a business. Sold the business. Invested in a new business with my spouse. Business failed and lost all investment. Lost home. Lost vehicles. Moved into the basement of my demanding, wheel chair bound, disabled mother-in-law. Waited hand and foot on disabled mother-in-law for seven very long years while working full-time at a job with my spouse. My spouse had medical problems on and off. I took care of her too. Then very suddenly in 2015, my spouse, Kathy, died of a massive heart attack right in front of me. At this point, my auto-pilot came on. Planned a funeral. Buried my spouse. Was berated by my demanding mother-in-law to my breaking point. Moved out of the basement and into an apartment. Continued working at the same job. Was demeaned and made to feel incapable of doing my job by management for a long time. Walked out of my job. Moved again and live with a wonderful man that I had known from many years ago. Experienced all of the fall out from everything that had happened. Took a deep breath and felt it's gonna be okay. Three months later I was diagnosed with Invasive Inflammatory Breast Cancer Stage 3. Spent all of 2017, having chemo, surgery, radiation and the beginning of reconstruction and I lost all of my hair. So, here we are about up-to-date. In May 2018, I was diagnosed again but this time with Stage 4 Metastatic Breast Cancer. So, back to chemo and surgery for the rest of this year. And this is my explanation of why I haven't written in my blog and I'm sticking to it. I'm still on the roller coaster but I am not sitting in the front seat any more. I moved to the middle of the line of seats. Someone else can experience the "thrill" of the front seat.
Out of all of these experiences, I have learned a few things. 1. Never say it could be worse and not really mean it because it can. 2. Question whether God really doesn't give you more than you can handle because I think He has way overestimated me. 3. Always try to find a "silver lining" in everything.
And my final thought...... If you have read my other blogs, you know I love movies. So I am going to refer to one of my favorites..."Forrest Gump". Near the end of the movie, Forrest is at Jenny's grave and he says.... Is life destiny or is it like floating around randomly? Then he ponders and says, "I think it is a little bit of both". I have to agree completely. The more time that goes by the more I understand why purposeful and chance things happen. It all does make sense really. I've decided not to ask WHY? any more. Life just is what it is. Enjoy it! Embrace it!
Until next time, Anne
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